


Giant Evilpuff chapter 1

by christianizcool



Series: Seduction and Battles [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Garfield - All Media Types, Lana Del Rey - Fandom, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1925613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christianizcool/pseuds/christianizcool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first chapter of 'Seduction and Battles,' the defining text of the zeitgeist</p>
            </blockquote>





	Giant Evilpuff chapter 1

Lana Del Rey is wearing a Native feathered war bonnet and swinging on a swing on the front porch of her (and her bf’s) modest, but pleasant home in Hollywood

The bf pulls up in his Pontiac Aztek, and honks at the neighbor boys dicking off with squirt guns in the drive way

The bf gets out of the car. It is Roy from Super Smash Bros. 

Roy: ’get outta my sight you little assholes,’ Roy breaks their water guns

Roy: ’hey babe, why are you still swinging? crack open a Steveweiser for your hunk will ya?’

Roy walks in, takes off his boots, and throws the boots near their dog (Odie). He purposely misses the dog, but wants to terrorize the dog

Odie runs away as Lana Del Rey fetches a Bud Light Lime from the fridge. She didn’t have the heart to tell Roy that Bud Light Lime is a disgrace to the Steveweiser name

Roy: ’Guess what I have babe?’ Lana Del Rey brings him the Bud Light Lime

Roy pulls a copy of Super Smash Bros Brawl out of his purse

Roy: ’Now is my second big shot at fame! Super Smash Bros Brawl will catapult me into my career as a great American actor!’ Roy puts the game into his Wii

Lana Del Rey is petting Odie’s belly and saying ‘who’s a good boy?’

Roy picks up his orange Gamecube controller, takes a sip of Bud Light Lime, and rubs his hands together

Roy: ’Oh boy, here we go’ Roy boots up to the main screen

Roy: ‘Hmm… not a starting character. Not surprised, guess I’ll just have to unlock myself’

Lana Del Rey makes a Hungry Man All Day Breakfast for Roy, while he plays Subspace Emissary

Lana Del Rey makes a Hungry Man Jumbo Rigatoni with meat sauce for herself, and feeds the leftovers to Odie

Hours later, after Survivor, Lana Del Rey peaks her head out of the bedroom in her nightgown 

Lana Del Rey: ‘You coming to bed dear?’ She removes her sleeping cap

Roy: ’I can’t sleep until I unlock myself’

Roy takes the final nail-in-the-coffin sip of the same Bud Light Lime he started hours ago

Lana Del Ray lays in bed, stroking Odie’s head. She can’t sleep so she turns on reruns of Cheers

On the tv, Woody says ‘Hey Mr Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?’ and Norm says, ‘Yeah, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.’ Lana Del Rey finds that funny

It is now 3:30 AM. Lana Del Rey hears a loud thud against the wall. Roy wails

Lana Del Rey: ’What’s wrong dear?’ Lana Del Rey peeks into the living room

Roy: ’I’m not in this dag blasted game. I’m so mad, I could be really mean right now’

Roy walks over to Lana Del Rey. He closes one eye and shakes his fist at her

Roy: ’Why I oughta take my masculine rage out on you and the dog’

to be continued…


End file.
